CrashBoomBang

Overall, a pretty good weekend! Friday’s date was so bad it was funny (halfway through, while my date was in the restroom, the waitress asked me “Is there anything I can do to speed this along, hon?” Even she could see what an a$$ he was!); then the rest of the weekend was spent doing errands, house stuff, grocery shopping…usual weekend stuff. I made it to the gym twice, and walked around 25 miles. Still, not losing. Today my colleague/weight-loss buddy noticed my ankles are pretty swollen, so she wondered if maybe I’m retainng a lot of water this week…it has been in the 90s, which it rarely is here! So, I’m just going to keep at the exercise, drinking water, eating well, limiting alcohol intake, and try to get enough sleep. Eventually something’s gotta give, right?!

So, I’m not going to obsess over weight this week, and just have faith and knowledge that a few more days of making great choices will result in a loss. As it is, my clothes are feeling roomy, and I’m not seeing anything too awful when I check myself out naked–I need to base my current progress on those things. I do care about the scale, of course, and will weigh myself every day just to “keep myself honest,” but I also need to not be discouraged by what I do or don’t see there!

On the one hand, yay! On the other, I need to accept the fact that I was *3* lbs down for the last few days…until last night when I shared a basket of super salty, greasy (and totally delicious) onion rings with a friend. I’m not beating myself up for the basket, since the friend had just broken up with her bf of 2 yrs, and it was good to be there for her…I’m instead beating myself up for eating something I *knew* would cause serious retention the night before a weigh-in! And I’ve been frankly awesome this week: double portions of fresh veggies, water, fruit, lean protein. I went to the gym 6 times, and slept well all week, and limited alcohol (3 drinks all week). So, I recognize my efforts this week, and am proud of myself…but nonetheless annoyed that I denied myself the hard-earned weigh-in loss. Still, I’ll see that loss again in the next day or so, and refrain from eating fried anything!

I saw lots of blogs about losses and maintains this morning; awesome work, everybody!! Here’s to another fab week!

Hey, Buddies! Not much to report today–had a really good strength workout this AM, incorporating abs for the first time in ages. My eating’s been so-so; maybe a 5 or 6 on a scale of 10? I made a decision to not worry so much today, since I wanted to relax things a bit on a Friday. Breakfast was great (plums, 2 eggs, cheese, fresh salsa); and at work I snacked on raw broccoli and string cheese. Then is was Chipotle for lunch–the veggie burrito bowl w/0 cheese–still looking at around 600-640 cals, but therein lies the “not worrying so much on a Friday” argument, I guess! Had a few (10-15) of my co-worker’s chips, too, but otherwise on track. Tonight is a date (not excited at all about this one, and wondering why I said yes), so I’m eating something first, and will just have a glass of wine or something. Also, walking to and from, so that’s 6 miles, which will count as my cardio for the day!

Hope everybody has a fabulous Friday evening!

So, it’s only been a few days, but I really think I’m back in the safe space. You know what I mean, where you can trust yourself to make the better choices, to go to the gym, to really re-engage on this journey. I was definitely half-assing it there for the better part of a year, doing just enough to not gain. But something clicked at the gym today–I was on the elliptical, and hitting it really hard with intervals, and I went to that totally un-selfconscious place, where I was rocking out to my music, and I knew people were staring at me, but I just felt so good, you know? Alive. It was that moment where working out isn’t a chore, but something I want to do, for me. And if it means people around me having to listen to me wailing along with Pink’s “Raise Your Glass,” well, so be it!

A couple other things–I have a date next week! Nothing super-exciting, but it’ll be a fun thing, just to meet someone new, whether or not there’s a connection. I volunteered last night, for one of our mayoral candidates. It felt good to actively do something for a cause I believe in, even if it was just calling people! I have a couple other things going on, but I can’t talk about them here just yet–with so much overlap between my BS and Facebook friends, I have to be careful where I share information about things like family, work, etc. I trust you guys, but I don’t always trust myself to keep my secrets straight!

Alright, today seems to be working out for me! I went to the gym today, but was rushed. So I did an entire weight workout, no shortcuts, and skipped cardio. I like to do both on weight days, but I’ve done solid cardio the past few days, and no weights, so this seemed the priority. Plus, it’s a gorgeous night, so I might get a walk in at least, after I’m done volunteering tonight.

On a non-fitness note, I’m sticking my toe in the dating waters again. To make a long story short, my spring and early summer were ambushed by a series of weird/sad dating issues. I know I’m being vague, but only because it’s too hard to try and explain in writing! Just believe me when I say I had to take a few weeks to really evaluate what I’m looking for, and to figure out how to be honest with both myself and anyone I date about what I want. Fast forward, and I have a date set for next week sometime…yay! I’m not letting myself get too excited about any one guy, but it’s nice to be moving forward after a couple really gloomy months.

I know we all have posts about the people who don’t support us, but what about when we don’t support others? I’m that person for someone right now, and I can’t change how I feel. I have a good friend, probably my best friend, and she’s got a lot of really great stuff happening right now. She’s lost a lot of weight (quickly) through a Paleo-type diet; she just started dating an awesome guy (she usually dates jerks, so this is a big deal!); and yesterday she landed a sweet job where she will be making twice what I do (!!). Here’s the thing–I’m not feeling jealous, because these are all things she’s worked really hard for, and wanted for a long time, so there’s no place for jealousy. But when she talks about these things, I have a hard time engaging, and being sincerely enthusiastic. I think part of it is that she’s got a history of being emotionally selfish and kind of jealous of others’ success. But I also feel like we’re in such different places: I’m really trying to step up my weight loss, I’ve been frustrated with my job for a while, and I’ve had a really bad run of dating these past few months. It’s like I’m using my own self-absorption as a barrier to not connect with her, almost. Is there a diffference between jealousy and resentment? Because I can see myself being resentful, and not jealous.

PS: She knows how much I make…I still think it was tacky for her to tell me her salary!

Yep, that’s what my emergency plumbing job cost me today. So sad! I was only able to pay half, and I had to get a loan from my folks for the rest. Oof.

On the bright side, I can now use my kitchen again! Which means cooking all the fresh groceries I bought this weekend, so I can lose 1-2 lbs this week as planned.

Tonight I am going to the gym, and working out some of my money frustration…good thing it’s a free-weight night…Raaawwwwrrr! Yesterday I went up to Seattle for the Mariners ballgame, and ate a little bit of awesome and trashy ballpark food (hotdog, one beer, garlic fries), and some coconut M&Ms on the car ride home…all fun things, and I didn’t see a gain this AM, so hooray! I just couldn’t resist eating “baseball food,” you know? I see one game a year, so I treated it like the special day it was!

Whew! Weigh-in showed a loss for the week! Only a pound, but a huge relief after yesterday’s gain from the day before. I worked hard for it, sticking to my plan of superclean eating and a good amount of both cardio and weights.

Can I lose another pound this week? Yes, of course, and so can you!

Yesterday was a high calorie day! I mean, they were good calories (Chipotle bowl minus the sour cream, fresh tomato & mozz pizza, lots of veggies, etc), but still a lot! And the fresh pizza I shared with a friend had a lot of salt, like cheese and tomato sauce do, after all. So, yeah, there was a small gain this AM, but I have a plan to help me out before tomorrow’s weigh-in: drinking lots of water, eating lots of fresh produce, and a few servings of lean protein. Plus I have a stupid amount of yardwork today, so there might be some sweat happening too!

Depending on if the yardwork wipes me out, today’s a gym day. Didn’t go yesterday and will be heading to Seattle tomorrow and won’t be able to work out then, either.

Hope you all are having a great weekend so far!

Okay, now I have some momentum! I saw a tiny dip on the scale this week (just a pound, but it’s a pound down!); made some good choices  (at happy hour last night I ordered a salad w/ blue cheese and hazelnuts instead of a burger, and passed on the booze, sticking with water), and have made it to the gym 4 times so far this week!

Unsurprisingly, I think coming back to BS is helping. I’m still shy about over-committing, only to bail out, but I felt a certain accountability last night that I hadn’t felt in a while. I didn’t want to check back in here unless I could report on a solid workout yesterday, lol! And I had one: straight-up cardio, having done a lot of weights the prior day, for 35 mins.

A co-worker and I just walked to the bagel shop a little while ago. I didn’t get anything there, and am back at my desk, noshing on broccoli and hummus…I feel so virtuous!